What Divorced Dads Experience but Few People Seldom See

What Divorced Dads Experience but Few People Seldom See

Last year, I made a life changing decision that separated my kids and I, divorce. It was trying times the first six months after I left them, as guilt pushed me into a depressive state that I medicated with late night stays in dive bars.

I struggled with the thought that I failed them, and despite others telling me all will be well in time, I experienced possibly the lowest time in my life then.

To hear my kids crying, “Daddy don’t leave”, is pain I still feel today. My eyes well up writing that, and as one would imagine, I cried like a baby then.

It was extremely tough and painful to know a decision I made, brought all this upon.

I share the poem below during that time, a time when I battled the darkness of depresssion:

Depression is a thorn
pushing into my side,
It digs deeper
as the light dims
in the place
I lay my head,

I wield hope
for a future,
Where my arms
hug and caress
the warm fragile bodies
of two who carry my name,

In darkness I sit
temporarily amused,
As day becomes night
and these thoughts
grow stronger
in the loneliness
sitting next to me,

This roller coaster
I sit in the front seat of,
Is a thrill ride
I did not seek,
It is admission to such a park
I long to void,

I shall close my eyes
and dream of future days,
When a smile adorns my face
in the presence of they,
Who delicately hold my heart
in their loving embrace,

…my precious children.

Today, I read this and the words are heavy, instantly taking me back to that time. Thankfully, I am no longer depression’s prisoner, so I digest the poem as a barometer of my growth.

The Unseen Reward of Depression
In the quiet and painful times living alone in the months following my separation from my kids, I battled the unseen issues many of us quietly battle – abandonment, depression, self-esteem.

I sat in a baron apartment, listening to the thoughts running through my head. Yes, listening. I often looked in the mirror, stared into a stranger’s face, asking questions about who am I, what do I want and what do I believe.

My time in the dungeon of depression was valuable, treasured lessons that I share with others who are or will face similar situations.

This tumultuous, unforgiving place called life, will eat you up and spit you out without warning. It is tough, but what’s tougher is living for reasons you know not, doing things you know not and existing because that is all you know.

As we all ride this roller coaster of ups and downs, sharp turns and unexpected dips, we must withstand all it throws at us, because the fruit at the end are wondrous nuggets of wisdom.

Depression kills. Falling into self inflicted problems as a result of wayward decisions or life changing decisions, happens to all of us, so DO NOT let them define you.

Be strong. Be bold. Be honest with yourself, because at the end of the day, it is you who must live with you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: